Photo Shoot
by Wraith Ink-Slinger
Summary: The FBI is putting out a calendar- and the BAU is going to be a part of it.  Getting the photos is half the fun.  Slightly ridiculous oneshot.


Photo Shoot

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A/N: Hello again! I must warn you, this story is a bit on the crack-ish side, mostly because it's a little… unrealistic, I think. However, I hope we can all put that aside and just enjoy the story. It's been sitting around unfinished for ages (well, only a year, but still) and I finally ended it.

Oh, timeline-wise, let's say it took place sometime shortly before Reid's wardrobe on the show started improving (I don't remember if that was in the third or fourth season…), as in more fitted clothing and things that matched a little more.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything recognizable. Including, but not limited to: Criminal Minds, the characters, a calendar, or a mall.

-/\-

_It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not._

_~Author Unknown_

-/\-

"No."

"C'mon, Sweetie!"

"There is no chance I am going to do this."

"Please?"

"No!"

Penelope Garcia glared down at the stubborn young man sitting in front of her. She had been trying to convince Spencer Reid for the past 45 minutes to let her take a photo of him. She had told him it was for charity, but his decision had not changed since she had first posed the question.

The FBI had decided to do some charitable work and one of the fundraising ideas they had accepted was Garcia's- a calendar. She had even offered to take the pictures and arrange everything. The only thing the bureau would have to do was pay for the printing.

Thus far, everything had run smoothly, but she had run into an obstacle; Reid simply refused to cooperate. She had expected this when she chose him to be one of her models and had purposely saved him for last, but she didn't think it would take more than half an hour or so to wear him down. "Why won't you do this? Give me one good reason." Garcia demanded.

"I'll give you three. One, I don't like having my picture taken. Two, I'm sure there are a lot of agents who are more willing to do this than I am, and probably better for the job…" Reid began to explain.

"Reid, it's just a picture, it's not going to hurt. And while there may be other agents contending for the job, I think you'll do wonderfully, sweet cheeks." Garcia said, reaching over and brushing away some of the hair that had fallen into his face.

Reid blushed and tucked his hair firmly back behind his ears. "What's the third?" Garcia asked, sitting down next to him.

"Hm?"

"What's the third reason?"

Reid blushed deeper and looked away, mumbling something. "I didn't quite catch that, honey." She nudged him gently, drawing his attention back to her.

"I don't… My… physical type doesn't really appeal to a large proportion of the population and I don't… think anyone is going to want me up on their wall for a whole month." Reid mumbled embarrassedly.

"Aw… sweetie, you don't honestly think I would be making you do this if I didn't think everyone was going to want to spend a whole month gazing at my junior g-man?"

For once in his life, Reid had no response, as he simply down at the floor and away from the woman sitting next to him. "No, I won't have any of this!" Garcia said, suddenly rising from her spot on Reid's couch.

Reid looked up at her, startled at the sudden mood swing. "I picked you for this because I thought you would be perfect for the job. Face it, Reid, you're hot stuff, whether you like it or not."

Reid only continued to stare at Garcia, growing more confused. "Now, you need a self-esteem boost, and I need an October model, so stop with the doubting and get up off the couch!" The fiery tech commanded.

The young genius, unsure of what else to do, stood up. "Good. Come on." Garcia grabbed Reid's arm and began to drag him towards the door.

"Where are we going?" Reid asked, finally having regained his voice.

"Shopping." Garcia told him firmly as she pulled him out of his apartment.

-/\-

Reid had sat quietly for the entire ride; he didn't dare ask for details of his imminent torture. However, when Garcia's car pulled into the parking lot of a salon, he felt the need to speak up. "Garcia, what are we doing?" He asked nervously as the woman sitting next to him prepared to get out of the car.

"We're getting your hair cut." She told him, as if it was obvious.

"_Here_?" He gestured incredulously towards the storefront, which proclaimed its status as a salon in bright pink script.

"Yes, here. I come here all the time, they'll take good care of you!" Garcia said, getting out of the car.

Before Reid could argue, the flamboyant woman was on his side of the car, pulling him out. "Can't we go to a barber shop or something?" He asked desperately.

"Do you think they'll know how to take care of those luscious locks at a barber shop, Sweetie?" Garcia asked playfully.

When Reid didn't respond, she continued more seriously. "Let me put it this way: you can go into the salon and keep your hair longer, or you can go to a barber shop and get it all chopped off. Your choice."

Reid gave Garcia a withering glare. "Are you sure those are the only two options?"

"Yes."

With a sigh, Reid got out of the car and cast wary glance at the salon. "Aren't we supposed to be improving my self-esteem or something?"

Garcia chuckled and began to guide him into the shop. "You'll feel better once it's over, I promise, Sweetness."

Once inside, Garcia immediately caught the attention of woman that could have been her double, save for the darker skin tone. She wore her dark hair in a pony tail with hot pink high lights, which matched her skirt. She had lime green high heels and perfectly manicured nails. The name on her stylist's smock said "Janine". "Penelope! How're you doing, Sweetie?" Janine greeted Garcia as an old friend.

"I'm good! I was wondering if you were free for an emergency styling." Garcia got right to the point

"For you, honey, I'm free any time. But you don't look like you need much of anything done today."

"Aw, thank you! But it's not for me, it's for my friend, Reid." Garcia said, drawing attention to Reid.

Janine looked at him for the first time since he had entered the shop and her thin eyebrows rose. "So this is the famous Dr. Reid, huh?"

"Yep." Garcia grabbed Reid by the arm and pulled him closer so Janine could get a good look at him.

"Honey, I thought you were exaggerating." The stylist said, looking at Garcia.

Reid's pulse quickened slightly and his face began to turn red. _What has Garcia been telling her?_

"Oh, please, when do I ever exaggerate?" Garcia asked, an impish grin working its way onto her features.

Neither Reid nor Janine answered, but Janine went straight to work. 15 minutes later, Reid found himself sitting in a chair in front of a mirror, hair freshly washed, as Garcia and Janine spoke conspiratorially behind him. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but from the way they kept glancing at him, he knew all at once that he would have absolutely no say in what they did to his head. He began to tug at the collar of the tarp tied uncomfortably tight around his neck. "Uh-uh, don't mess with that." Janine said, pushing his hand away.

"Don't fidget, Reid, it's not going to be that bad." Garcia assured him, patting him on the shoulder.

Janine began to work, chatting with Garcia and occasionally asking Reid questions or reminding him to keep his head bowed while she snipped. All too soon, however, the topic of conversation turned to men, and the stylist roped him into the conversation. "It can be so hard to find a man who's looking for the same thing around here, do you know what I mean, Sweetie?" She asked him.

"Uh…" Reid couldn't find it in him to answer; he only turned steadily redder and looked at Garcia in the mirror, pleading for help.

Garcia tried to fight back her laughter as she placed her hand on Janine's arm. "Honey, he's not gay."

Janine paused for a moment. "He's not?" She asked, genuinely surprised.

"I am not." Reid spoke up.

"And if you keep talking to him like he is, I think his head is going to pop." Garcia said, laughter in her voice.

Then Janine began to laugh quietly. "I'm sorry, Sweetie! I just assumed, since Penelope managed to get you in here, and she the way she talks about you…"

"I'm using him as model for the FBI's calendar." Garcia said.

"Oh, now that's something. We'll have to be sure you look perfect then, won't we?"

Reid didn't answer; he just silently prayed the ordeal would be over quickly.

-/\-

As much as he hated to admit it, Garcia had been right. His hair _did_ look good. However, that didn't mean he was any less eager to leave the shop and never return. "Thank you, Janine, you are a miracle worker!" Garcia said, giving her friend a quick hug before she and Reid moved to leave the shop.

"No problem! And, Honey," Janine was now addressing Reid, "If you have any problems getting a girl _now_, I'm always free."

Reid turned red and could swear he saw the stylist wink at him before he left the shop with Garcia.

As they got back into the car, Garcia turned to appraise Reid's new hairstyle. "See, now that wasn't so bad, was it?" She asked, fussing with a few strands of hair.

"Oh, no, not at all. I only got pulled into a hair salon full of women, had absolutely no say in what was done to my head, was mistaken for a homosexual, and then was hit on by the same woman who thought I was gay not 15 minutes previously." He rattled off, brushing Garcia's hands away.

Garcia rolled her eyes and pulled out of the parking lot. "You're such a drama queen. Now, to the mall!" She told him.

"Why?"

"Clothes. If you think I'm going to let you be in a calendar in a sweater vest, you've got another thing coming."

Reid scowled at the tech, but he didn't say anything until they pulled into the mall parking lot. "Is it really necessary to change my entire appearance for one picture?"

"Sweet cheeks, this was a long time coming and you know it. When was the last time you actually went clothes shopping?"

After thinking for a moment, he answered hesitantly. "I went to the Salvation Army last month…"

Garcia paused for a moment, looking the young man before her up and down. "I never pegged you for a thrift shopper, Reid."

"Old habit, I guess. It's where I used to get most of my clothes when I was younger." Reid shrugged.

"Well, the Salvation Army doesn't count. When did you last go to an actual clothing store?"

"The last time I needed work clothes?" He half-asked.

Garcia shook her head. "You are quite lucky I'm here, oh Clueless One."

"I have managed to shop for clothes for myself since I was 10, I can't be that bad at it after all this time." Reid rationalized.

"Keep telling yourself that, Sweetie." Garcia said, patting him on the knee before getting out of the car.

-/\-

Once inside the mall, Garcia steered them towards a clothing store and stopped once they were inside. "Now, as you will notice, there are no cardigans or sweater vests in sight. If you happen to find any, you are not to touch them. If you do touch them, I am sending you back to the car and you will have absolutely no say in what is bought. Are we clear?" She asked, sounding as though she was explaining something to a toddler.

"Garcia, I'm not a child. And I know how to shop for casual clothing." Reid told her, glancing around the store.

"Make me a believer, Sweetness." Garcia said, gesturing towards the racks of clothing.

"Alright, I will…" Reid said with more confidence than he felt as he walked further into the store, Garcia in tow. "And sweaters aren't that bad."

"No, of course not. Unless you wear them every day, day in, day out… or in bulk. Wearing a cardigan over a sweater vest? Not okay." Garcia admonished, shaking her head.

"I told you, the heat in my apartment was broken when I chose that outfit. I would have worn anything that guaranteed me warmth." Reid defended, picking over a pile of tee shirts.

"That still does not make it acceptable. One word: jackets. Jackets, Reid!" Garcia punctuated her point by tugging Reid over to a rack of said item.

Reid sighed, resigning himself to be shanghaied into the land of up-to-date fashion.

-/\-

Nearly two hours later, the two left the mall, laden down with bags. "I thought we were just doing this for the calendar, not to replace my whole wardrobe." Reid muttered as he dumped his armful of bags in the back seat of Garcia's car.

"Reid, you can never go shopping and buy just one outfit." The feisty tech told him as she deposited the last of the bags into the back seat and started the car.

Reid didn't bother to argue. He was tired after having been made to try on half the clothes in the store and couldn't wait to go home and relax. "Now all we have to do is take your picture!" Garcia said brightly.

"Oh, yeah," Reid winced. "I forgot…"

-/\-

_-December-_

"Hey, Reid, look what I got." Morgan said, coming out of Garcia's office and heading over to Reid's desk.

Looking up, Reid saw the Morgan was brandishing a thin, wire-bound booklet. "What's that?" He asked.

"The FBI calendar. Garcia gave me one for free, she'll probably give you one too."

"Hey, boys, look what we just got." JJ called Reid and Morgan's attention to the other side of the bullpen where she and Emily were standing.

"Yeah, I've got one too." Morgan said, waving them over.

"Ooh, you're both in this one, right?" Emily asked as she and JJ made their way over.

Morgan nodded and Reid only blushed and looked away. The four were silent for short time while they flipped through the calendars until they hit July. "Wow, Morgan, you look great!" Emily complimented.

Morgan's picture smiled flirtatiously up at them from the July page. Though everyone knew Garcia had only given him a summer month in an attempt to get him shirtless, he remained fully clothed. He wore an FBI t-shirt, which accented his muscular physique quite nicely, and pair of beat-up, but well-fitting jeans. He leaned against a typical, black FBI SUV and the sun shined down on him. Compliments ranged from how good he looked to how professional Garcia had been able to make the photography look, and then JJ asked the question Reid had been dreading. "Hey, Spence, what month are you?"

Reid considered not answering, but Morgan took the choice out of his hands. "Garcia said he's in October."

The flutter of pages led Reid's coworkers to October and they stared at the page in disbelief. "What?" Reid asked, growing somewhat worried. "Is it bad?"

JJ was the first to regain her voice. "No, it's just surprising. I mean… you look different."

Emily nodded in agreement. Certainly they were used to seeing Morgan in more casual clothing, but seeing their sweater vest-wearing colleague trussed up as a calendar model was something else. "Man, who knew?" Morgan asked, finally letting Reid see the picture Garcia had chosen.

Reid's eyebrows went up. Different was right; he didn't look like himself. Much to his chagrin, Garcia had ended up dressing him in a shirt he already owned rather than one of the ones she had talked him into buying that day, though it had never looked as good on him as it did in that picture. It was a simple purple dress shirt, which had been left un-tucked with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and several buttons left undone. The loose style complimented his thin frame rather than making him look skinny. It had been coupled with dark jeans which had been, admittedly, a little tighter than he would have worn if Garcia hadn't forced him to do so. For the sake of having some connection to the FBI, his badge was visible attached to his belt.

He sat with one leg drawn up to his chest, a breeze ruffling his hair. He had a far-off sort of smile on his face and the remnants of a blush that he had gotten as Garcia had been insisting he give her his best 'sexy' look. "So, did I do good, or what?" Garcia's voice came from behind him.

"Yeah, mama, you did very good." Morgan told her with a smile.

The girls quickly agreed and Reid could only stare at her in disbelief. "Did you photoshop this?" He asked, waving the calendar.

"Only to clean it up. That's all you, my gorgeous gray matter." Garcia assured him.

Reid turned back to the photo, scrutinizing it. "Well… it doesn't really represent the FBI very well, I mean, in most pictures you at least have…" He began, a blush creeping on to his cheeks.

"Oh, hush!" Garcia interrupted, smacking him lightly on the head with a calendar. "Don't pick at it, just enjoy it."

"Well…" Reid looked down at the page once more. "I mean, it's nice, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I just…"

His colleagues watched, amused, as the genius trailed off and stared at his picture, his features posed in a quizzical expression. "Aw, Mama, look what you did now." Morgan said, placing in arm over Garcia's shoulders and feigning disdain. "Now he's getting a full-blown case of narcissism, just sitting there staring at himself."

The girls giggled slightly while Morgan grinned and Reid snapped back to reality with a scowl on his face. At the sight everyone's amused smiles, it softened slightly before he, too smiled a little. "You know, the story of Narcissus is actually quite interesting, though the title of the complex doesn't exactly match up with the myth…"

"My mistake, he's still Reid." Morgan cut in, pulling away from Garcia and ruffling Reid's hair on the way to his desk.

Emily and JJ returned to their respective work spaces shortly after, still smiling, leaving Garcia standing by Reid's desk. "Come by my lair later and you'll get yourself a free calendar." Garcia told him as she turned back towards her office. "They're free to the models, after all."

Garcia began to walk away, but it was only a moment or two before Reid caught up with her. "Garcia, I… I wanted to…" He attempted, but Garcia cut him off.

She put an arm around his shoulders and gave him a quick one-armed hug. "You are welcome." She said quietly.

Reid didn't even question how she knew what he was going to say. He tentatively put his arm around her back and returned the quick hug. They stood in companionable silence for a moment before Garcia's grin grew wider. "So, let's just call it even then?" She asked mysteriously.

"What did you owe me for?" Reid scrunched his brows in confusion.

"Oh… for giving out your number without consulting you to a few agents who saw your picture and asked about you." She said breezily, starting to walk back towards her office again and leaving Reid gaping behind her.

"You did _what_?" He squeaked in disbelief.

"Aw, c'mon. They were all cute- especially that lab tech, Gary Brooks? He's had a crush on you for the longest time…" Garcia replied, attempting not to give her amusement away in her tone.

"Garcia!" Reid shouted after her, only able to hope she was kidding.

-/\-

_Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you._

_~Ralph Waldo Emerson_

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A/N: Well, that was fun… I hope you all enjoyed it! I would love a review if you wouldn't mind giving one. Thanks for reading!

I mentioned Gary Brooks in another story of mine, Fight, where he would also seem to have a crush on Reid… Couldn't help myself, sorry.


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